How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
