I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
too bad you live with your parents still
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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