It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
