kristin has been a bad kristin
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
