im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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