dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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