I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
