***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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