he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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