K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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