I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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