so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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