1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
