either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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