so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
