i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize