i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
