My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
