Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
