Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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