Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
