I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
