I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
