I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
