This girl is more easily done than said...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
