You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
