Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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