doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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