Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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