pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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