Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
