I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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