oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
