I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
