oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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