I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
