So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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