why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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