matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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