I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was born a porn star she said
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
