I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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