Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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