I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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