The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need to align my fucking chakras
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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