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I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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