You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
