forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
