Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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