i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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