Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
