Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
