please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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