I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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