I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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