I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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