he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
