We're facebook friends in real life
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
