Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
