i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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