I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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