I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
