Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
