careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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