Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
