so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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