I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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