I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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