I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
