I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize