I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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