well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
