Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
