Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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