I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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