Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
