Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
