Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
