Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize